"И почему же вы уволились с такой высокооплачиваемой работы, как ассистент иллюзиониста?"
Сейчас вас осмотрит помощник помощника терапевта.
After completing his examination the doctor told his patient: “I’m
afraid your condition is very serious. The best thing for you to do
would be to give up smoking, stop drinking, give up all the rich food
you’ve been eating at fancy restaurants and stop playing around with
The patient thought for a moment.
“What’s the next best thing?”
※examination：検査 - осмотр
※condition：健康状態 - состояние
※rich food：脂っこい食べ物 - жирная пища
※playing around with 〜：〜と浮気する - крутить любовь с
A drunk got lost in a cemetery on his way home.
When he woke up at midnight he asked himself: “If I’m alive, why
am I lying here among the tombstones? If I’m dead, why do I have
to go to the toilet?”
※cemetery：墓地 - кладбище
※tombstones：墓石 - надгробия
The mother looked out the window, where her two boys were playing
in the snow. She called the older boy to come inside.
“Jack,” she said, “I’ve told you several times you have to share
your toys with your little brother. You can’t keep the sled to
“I’m sharing it,” Jack said. “I get to use the sled going down
the hill, and he uses it going back up.”
※sled：そり - санки
My family doctor prescribed pills for my memory. I’m supposed to take
one every three hours, if I can remember where they are.
※prescribed：〜を処方した - выписать (лекарство)
※every three hours：3時間おきに - каждые три часа
Judge: Fifty years in prison!
Prisoner: But judge, I’m 50 years old. I won’t live that long!
Judge: Don’t worry, do what you can.