I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent,
they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay
out all night, and when they do come home they expect to be fed and
stroked and left alone to sleep. Everything that women hate in men,
they love in cats.
※stay out 外出している - отсутствовать, не возвращаться домой
※(be) stroked なでられる - (ожидают, что их) погладят
Our cat just doesn't like to catch mice. She says she prefers seafood.
Husband: I saw two houseflies in the kitchen this morning.
I think both of them are females.
Wife: How did you know they were females?
Husband: They were on the phone.
※houseflies イエバエ - комнатные мухи
A man is sitting on his couch watching TV when he hears the doorbell ring.
He opens the door,and all he can see is a snail on his front porch.
He throws the snail across the street and goes back to watching TV.
A year later, he is again sitting on his couch watching TV when the
doorbell rings again. He opens the door to see an angry snail, who
yells, “What the heck was that for?”
※yells 怒鳴る - кричать
Kidnapping is when parents have a chance to get some sleep.