Ну замечательно, прямо рядом с моим бывшим! Что же, будет неловко.
Two sardines were big tennis fans. “Let's go to Wimbledon this year,
“How would we get there?”asked the other.
“On the London Underground,of course.”
“What, and get packed in like commuters?”
Commuters - пассажиры (отсылка к выражению «как сардины в бочке»)
A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a dog. The man asks the
bartender, “Does your dog bite?”“Never!” the bartender replies.
So the man reaches down to pet the dog and it bites him. “I thought
you said your dog doesn't bite!”the man exclaims. “He doesn't”the bartender retorts. “That isn't my dog.”
※retorts 言い返す — возражает
A very drunken man walked into a hotel and demanded a drink but the barman refused, saying he was too drunk.
“I'm sober!” yelled the drunk. “And I can prove it! Do you see that dog coming in the door?”
“That proves you're drunk,”said the barman. “That's a cat, not a dog, and it's not coming in ... it's going out!”
※sober しらふの — трезвый
Information is so bad these days that money doesn't really talk, it just goes without saying.
Q:What did the pilgrims tell at the first Thanksgiving?
A: Corn-y jokes.
corny - банальный
corn — кукуруза
Q: What do you call potatoes that fall on the floor at Thanksgiving dinner?
A: Smashed potatoes.
Smashed — раздавленный
mashed — толчёный
Q: What is a snail?
A: A slug with a crash helmet
slug — слизняк и тихоход
crash helmet — защитный шлем