-Эй, красотка, можно твой номерок?
-Получи свой, я следующая!
Three older women were discussing the symptoms of aging.
One said,“Sometimes I catch myself in front of the refrigerator with a jar
of mustard in my hand and can't remember whether I need to put it away or
start making a sandwich.”
The second woman chimed in,“Yes, sometimes I find myself on the stairs and
can't remember whether I was on my way up or my way down.”
The third woman responded while rapping her knuckles on the table.
“Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem; knock on wood.”
Then she said, “Wait, someone must be at the door, I'll get it.”
※chimed in 同意した - присоединилась к разговору
※rapping 〜をコツンとたたく - постучать
※knuckles - костяшки
※knock on wood これからも問題が起こりませんように（嫌なことを避ける意味の
おまじない）- чтобы не сглазить
Mother: Jack, never put off until tomorrow what can be done today.
Jack: Okay, let's eat the rest of this ice cream.
※put off 先送りにする - откладывать
A 70-year-old man confessed to his doctor, “Last night I was going
to kill myself by swallowing a handful of sleeping pills.”
“What happened to change your mind?” asked the doctor.
“After taking two I felt much better and slept very soundly.”
※sleep soundly ぐっすりと - крепко спать
Husband: I've just discovered oil.
Wife: Wonderful! Now we can get a new car.
Husband: We'd better get the old one fixed first - that's where
the oil's coming from.