В качестве подарка я не буду петь: "С днём рождения тебя!".
A man came home from work tired one day, but his eyes lit up as he stepped
inside his house and saw a beautiful layer cake with seven candles on it
sitting on the dining room table. “A birthday cake! ” He exclaimed with
pleasure. “Whose birthday is it?”
“Oh,” replied his wife nonchalantly,“That's for the dress I've got on.
It's seven years old today.”
※layer cake 幾つかの層になっているケーキ - слоёный торт
※nonchalantly 冷淡に - небрежно, хладнокровно
Middle-aged woman (in police station): Oh please, you must help me, I've
lost my husband!
Policeman: Can you give us a description of your husband?
Middle-aged woman: Well, he's 1.5 meters tall, he weighs 90 kilos, he has
a big beer belly,almost no hair, false teeth... Oh,forget it.
※forget it なかったことにして - забудьте
A mother was giving some advice to her daughter on her wedding day.
“Remember,” she said, “that marriage is a matter of give and take.
If he doesn't give you enough - take it.”
give and take - взаимные уступки, компромиссы
An old man was standing naked in front of the mirror. “Look at me,”
he said sadly to his wife, “I'm old and fat. I'm losing my hair. Cheer
me up by paying me a compliment.”
The wife said, “Your eyesight is still good.”
※paying 〜 a compliment 〜を褒める - похвалить, сказать комплимент
Q: What animal is the best baseball player?
A: A bat.
bat - летучая мышь и бита